I always feel particularly reflective on Mother’s Day. Perhaps because for the last 6 years, being a mother is all that I wanted to be. It was always a particularly triggering day for me, and I know it would have been for many others too; those who never knew their mum, those whose mum was taken too early, those who never had a healthy relationship with their mum, those who are adopted, those who have babies in heaven, and others who yearned to be a mum too. To all those out there that dread this day, I see you and I’m sorry if it’s going to be a particularly difficult one.
But, I’ve waited far too long to not celebrate this day and as a bonus this year I’m celebrating Mother’s Day as a mum of two. Wow even typing that out feels surreal. After struggling to conceive for so long and finally falling pregnant with Diyan, I was convinced that I would never put myself through the cycle of heartache and pain again. But, my prayers of giving him a sibling were answered and last year our precious Niya came into our lives.
In these past 12 months, I have lost myself and found myself again in the most profound way. Becoming a mum of two during a global pandemic has been the best and the worst experience all at once. Not having the help of family, friends or a community has meant we’ve had to do so much of this on our own, with our hands full and virtually through a screen, but doing this as a family has made us such a tighter unit.
Here are five things I’ve learnt on this journey of becoming a mum of two.
My body is my temple, it gave me the ultimate blessings.
Becoming a mum left me physically broken and mentally bruised both times! It’s been a long road to recovery to train my brain and accept this new shape of my body. It’s done the most incredible job in housing these two humans and bringing them safely into the world, so now it’s my turn to look after it and nurse it back to good health. You only get one body, no matter what it’s been through, it’s so important to look after it!
I eat patience for breakfast
I had to learn how to be patient from early on in this journey. There was a lot of waiting around. Waiting to fall pregnant each month, waiting for doctors appointment to come through, waiting in A&E for them to confirm the worst…
Now I’m practicing a different type of patience! Patience when it’s midday and I’m only just getting round to breakfast, patience when both decide they need me just as I get into the shower (for the only 5 mins I get to myself) and patience when they refuse to sleep even though it’s all I long for! As testing as it can be, I am so grateful for it all.
Your heart doesn’t split, it doubles in size
I didn’t think it was possible to love anyone or anything as much as I love my darling Diyan. Everything he is, everything he represents, I loved with my whole heart. I doubted how I would find space to love another child just as much, surely it wasn’t possible? But, just like that when I had Niya, my heart doubled in size. She may not be my long list of incredible firsts, but she will be my long list of emotional lasts and that will be just as special.
The role of a role model
Sometimes as we are parenting, we forget that every move we make, every voice raised, every word spoken is being watched, absorbed and learnt. I’m going to be the person, I want my children to be. Every day.
They’ve seen me laugh, they’ve seen me apologise, they’ve seen me hug and kiss their daddy, they’ve seen me hustle, they’ve seen me pray, they’ve seen me celebrate, they’ve seen me cry, they’ll see all of this and know it’s ok to not always be ok. I’ve not just become a mother, I’ve also become a teacher and hopefully a best friend!
I’m not striving to be a Super mum, I’m striving to be a Happy mum
There’s so much societal pressure to do and be it all. To be this superwoman juggling a hundred things and wearing multiple hats. We often forget the only thing our children need us to be is happy and that’s a choice we make. So I’m choosing happiness. Today and everyday.
Thank you God for my two wonderful blessings, I am forever grateful to be called Mum.
Happy Mother’s Day All